How Insanity Has Taken Over My LIfe...
by I LoVe LeE JoRdAn1
Summary: A basic introduction to a series of stories I will be making about the Harry Potter gang. It's extremely crazy and extremely funny! Enjoy folks, and please, for the love of God, read and review! =)


**How Insanity Has Taken Over My Life…**  


  
Setting: In a small courtroom, {{grins}} with the characters of Harry Potter sitting as the audience. (Oh the possibilities!) I'm supposed to be the judge, who in the end, ends up going mental… hm… nice one! Yes, yes, I know that Madonna sings "Like a Virgin" and not Michael Jackson, but it's my fanfic and I'll cry if I want to… cry if I want to… cry if I want to…. Oops, sorry! Anyway, enjoy, and don't forget to be an angel and review this insane story! I (me) don't, in any way, claim or own any of these characters as my own, except Grandma (I think of her as a replica of Yetta on The Nanny), Uncle John (why does he have to visit?), and the flying Furby (he's my own little creation). Please don't sue me… I'll pay you not to!! J   
  
Me: {{stumbles into chair}} Welcome, everyone, to my very own fan fiction!   
  
Crowd: {{cricket noises are heard}}  
  
Me: Er- I guess you're not very enthusiastic, eh? Anyway, you are all here because I'm- I'm starting a new series of stories. There will be some about Harry, Hermione, Ron… and, you know, the rest of the characters. {{shuffles papers nervously on desk}} Uh… I think of the authors in FanFiction.Net as a big family. I would be an aunt of some sort… I suppose. So, let's take attendance. Is everyone here?  
  
Crowd: {{cricket noises are heard again}}  
  
Me: Oh yeah! Almost forgot, free cookies will be served after this meeting!  
  
Crowd: {{cheers and claps}}  
  
Me: So, lets start. Does anyone have any suggestions for me to work with here?   
  
Ron: {{stands up and chuckles like a loon}} You can blow up the world! Then, you can have Dr. Evil come and blow up Neptune! Then he can blow up Saturn! AHA! Then Marssssss!  
  
Harry: {{sighs at Ron's comment}} Don't mind Ron uh… sir…  
  
Me: Ma'am.  
  
Harry: Yeah, ma'am. Anyway, don't mind him. He's been watching Austin Powers for a few says in a row. Two cups of sugar in the morning, and this is what you get.   
  
Hermione: {{groans}} Why don't you make two of us go out? {{looks adoringly at Professor Flitwick}} Hey baby!   
  
Professor Flitwick: {{inches his chair away from Hermione}} I'm married to… uh… Madam Hooch!  
  
Madam Hooch: {{blushes furiously}} Flitwick! You dirty dog!  
  
Professor Flitwick: Oh dear…  
  
Me: {{clears throat loudly and bands little hammer-thingie on desk}} Like I was saying, does ANYONE have ANY suggestions for my series?  
  
Neville: {{stands up timidly and begins to sing}} It's a hard knock life for us, it's a hard knock life for us!   
  
Me: Neville, this isn't Broadway.   
  
Neville: Oops… hey! Where'd my hippo, Hubert, go? He was right here a minute ago!   
  
{{Door bursts open and Draco Malfoy charges in}}  
  
Malfoy: {{skips happily to my desk}} So! It was you who murdered Professor Snape!  
  
Me: Malfoy, Snape is right there! {{points to a chair nearby}}  
  
Professor Snape: {{pulls out a bra and matches from his bag and holds them up above his head}} Brenne! Brenne ihnen alle! (German… no I'm not German though!)  
  
Ron: {{raises a fist powerfully in the air}} Schlag ihnen eins!   
  
Professor Snape: {{lights bra on fire}}  
  
Ron and Professor Snape: {{singing and dancing on a table}} I see you baby, shaking that ass! Shaking that ass! I see you baby! Shaking that ass!  
  
Papa Smurf: Ai! The midgets are locked in the Cave of Doom! Ai, ai! We must save them!   
  
Me: Order!  
  
Crowd: {{all dancing and singing now}}  
  
Me: Hello, people?! Order… ORDER!!!  
  
Crowd: {{falls silent and slumps into chairs}}  
  
Me: That's better… now… on we go. Who should go out with whom?  
  
Crowd: {{a few hands go up}}  
  
Me: Yes… you there- Katie Bell.   
  
Katie: I think Ron and Angelina should go out.  
  
Angelina: You slut! I don't like him! Besides… he's the one who asked me out fourteen times.   
  
Ron: I told you a million times, I was drunk!  
  
Katie: {{mutters under breath}} Drunk on Angelina…   
  
Angelina: That's it! I'll kick your fat ass!  
  
Katie: Bring it on, bimbo!  
  
Katie and Angelina: {{fighting}} Oww! That hurts! That was my hair!  
  
{{meanwhile, Neville is playing with the matches}}  
  
Neville: Hey! I wonder what will happen if I do- AAH! My ass is on fire! My ass is on fire!! {{running in circles, trying to put out the fire}}  
  
Me: Order, order! We'll let them go at it, pay no attention. And Neville, try to put out that fire on your ass, OK? Harry, dear, you're the star of the books, who do you think you should date?  
  
Harry: Mrs. Norris  
  
Me: {{slaps her forehead}} That's a cat…  
  
Harry: But she's so attractive! And, oh! Look at that sexy tail!   
  
Mrs. Norris: Meow.  
  
Harry: Yes, sweetie. Later, sugarpie. {{winks at Mrs. Norris}}  
  
Me: {{looks in disbelief at Harry}} Ok! Fine… you can go out with the cat. Happy? {{scribbles something down in notebook}}  
  
Harry and Mrs. Norris: Meow!  
  
Ron: Can I go out with your sister?  
  
Me: Go to hell.  
  
Ron: But she's hott!  
  
Me: That's it… you're falling in love with YOUR sister. Ginny, I'm sorry.  
  
Ginny: Ron, get away from me. Can't he fall in love with Fred or George?  
  
Me: You're right. Ron, you're falling in love with Percy. {{erases writing in notebook and scribbles something else down}} All right… Ginny, you're with Colin Creevey.   
  
Colin: Ooh! It's a courtroom! Fascinating! {{starts taking pictures}}  
  
Papa Smurf: The midgets need our help! Snow White killed her dwarfs.   
  
Me: Shut up. Um… James and Lily Potter, you're still dead, so you can leave the courtroom.  
  
James Potter: Can't we stay?  
  
Lily Potter: Yea, we'll be good!  
  
Me: No, now go.  
  
James and Lily Potter: {{leave the courtroom}}  
  
Me: Now… who wants to die?  
  
Hagrid: {{raises a shaky hand}}  
  
Me: Why do you want to die?  
  
Hagrid: I need to go potty.   
  
Me: The bathroom is the first door on the right. Why do you want to die?  
  
Hagrid: {{hums happily}} I have a bird. My bird can talk.   
  
Me: Can you please answer my question?  
  
Hagrid: I like peas. I'm on drugs.  
  
Me: Is he deaf?  
  
Crowd: {{all respond yes}}  
  
Me: Oh, then I agree, he can die.   
  
{{door opens and in comes an old lady}}  
  
Me: Grandma?! What are you doing here?  
  
My Granny: Such a nice place, happy child. Where am I? Hey… you look familiar. {{slowly saunters up to my desk with her walker}}  
  
Me: {{whispers angrily}} Grandma, you're embarrassing me!   
  
My Granny: Such a pretty little girl, you're been eating your vegetables haven't you? Oh, John! I found her!  
  
{{Uncle John walks into the courtroom}}  
  
Me: Uncle John?! What do you want?  
  
Uncle John: Hey everybody! Who wants to play a game of charades? Guess what this is! {{covers one eye with hand and grins}}  
  
Me: It's a pirate, Uncle John… a pirate. It's always a pirate... {{bangs head on desk desperately}}  
  
Uncle John: How'd you guess?  
  
My Granny: Could somebody show me where the lingerie department is?   
  
Me: Just... leave…   
  
Uncle John: How about this? This one's harder! {{covers one eye with hand and grins again}}  
  
Papa Smurf: Is it a pirate?  
  
Uncle John: You got it!  
  
My Granny: My, my… what wonderful dolls! They look like real children! {{walks over to Papa Smurf and pinches his cheeks}} And so very lifelike are these dolls! Are you sure this isn't the lingerie department?  
  
Uncle John: So, we'll just take a seat and watch you play with your dolls, pumpkin.   
  
Me: These aren't dolls, they are Harry Potter characters… except for Papa Smurf, I don't know why he's here. And can't you just leave?  
  
Uncle John: No. {{takes a seat with Grandma}}  
  
Me: Now that total insanity had broken out, I'll continue. We got Harry going out with a cat-  
  
Mrs. Norris: Meow!  
  
Me: Right, sorry…. We got Harry going out with the lovely Mrs. Norris, Hagrid dyeing, Ginny and Colin dating, and Ron falling in love with Percy… anything I left out? Wait… where's Professor Dumbledore?  
  
{{James and Lily Potter pop their heads through the window}}  
  
James and Lily Potter: Don't forget about Professor McGonagall!  
  
Me: You, go away!  
  
Lily Potter: Well, somebody's grumpy!  
  
Harry Potter: Get outta here, ma!   
  
Lily Potter: Oh, all right!  
  
Me: Has anyone seen Professor Dumbledore?   
  
James Potter: And Professor McGona-  
  
Me: AND PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL?!?!  
  
Professor Dumbledore: Er- Just a second!  
  
{{closet door opens and Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall come out}}  
  
Professor Dumbledore: We were… uh…   
  
Professor McGonagall: …rearranging the paintings!  
  
Me: There are no paintings.   
  
Professor Dumbledore: The paintings, the paintings I tell you!  
  
Hagrid: My bird just died.   
  
Me: I don't even want to know… anyway, Gilderoy Lockhart will be back in a few of the stories.  
  
Crowd: {{groans and boos, except for Grandma, who is standing up and clapping}}  
  
My Granny: Beautiful! What a performance! Better than Cats! {{wipes a tear from her eye}}  
  
Me: Grandma, this isn't a show!  
  
My Granny: Oh, all right dear. {{sits and looks around curiously, then taps Uncle John on the shoulder}} This elevator is going really slow, we should have been to the lingerie department by now!  
  
Professor Lockhart: Aww! Why do I have to be back?   
  
Me: You don't want to be back?  
  
Professor Lockhart: No… I want to ride ponies through fields of daisies! {{smiles dreamily}}  
  
Me: Whatever you say. {{writes something in notebook}}   
  
{{the door opens suddenly. Smoke appears and the lights become dim}}  
  
Me: What now?!  
  
{{Michael Jackson enters doing the moonwalk}}  
  
Michael Jackson: {{singing and dancing}} Like a virgin! Touched for the very first time! Like a virgiiiinnn- {{collapses abruptly to the floor}}  
  
Fred Weasley: Oh my God!  
  
George Weasley: They killed Michael Jackson!  
  
Lee Jordan: You bastards!  
  
{{flying Furby enters, floating, through the smoke}}  
  
Furby: I am Nooloo. I will kill you all! {{shoots red light from his eyes}}  
  
Neville: Run! Everyone run!  
  
Furby: {{looks at Neville with red light}}  
  
Neville: Ooh… pretty colors… {{faints and snores}}  
  
Crowd: {{screams and runs… except for Grandma, who is calmly sitting in her chair}}  
  
My Granny: Huh? Who called me? Oh! Hello dear! Such pretty dolls on the elevator… or are they children?  
  
Furby: You will die!  
  
My Granny: That's nice… now, have you been getting enough sleep? You look small and weak… you poor, poor thing!  
  
Furby: Um… you can be scared now?  
  
My Granny: That's no way to talk to an old lady! Apologize right now for trying to kill me!  
  
Furby: I'm sorry.  
  
Me: Oh Lord…  
  
My Granny: That's better. Now, come, let us all come together and sing! {{joins hands with flying Furby}}  
  
{{everyone hoins hands in a circle and sings}}  
  
My Granny: Everyone! Sing a happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy song!   
  
Everyone: {{all sing}} Sing a happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy song!  
  
Me: Oh, what the hell… I want to sing too!   
  
**{{Everyone sings and we all live happily every after… until the Wicked Witch of the West comes and eats Neville's nose… after that, we keep on singing… until Robin Hood tries to shoot arrows at us… then… I think we're all dead}}**  
  



End file.
